Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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