Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
