Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Randomize
