is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
