We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
NoShamevember. You game?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
