problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
