Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
