11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
