I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
