are you so shy because you have an std?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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