someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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