you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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