dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
