I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
