He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
