the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
