Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
