Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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