so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
