I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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