Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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