As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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