Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
