i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
