11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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