dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
