Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
