i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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