Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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