wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
