I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
