can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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