found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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