Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
