I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Less talking, more tequila
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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