hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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