they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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