my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
