Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
