I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
