Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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