now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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