I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
