I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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