I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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