im six kinds of drunk right now
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
