Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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