I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
