I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
