On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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