kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
