apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
