The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
