Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
