I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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