come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
