Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
